Dear God,
I'm so pissed off right now. Why? From the moment I began working at home I felt that my life stopped and the rest of the human race continued on with their lives. I was stuck in a limbo. To make things worse, I'm not earning as much as I used to.
This leads me to think that maybe I should go back working in the BPO industry again. I mean I still sleep until 3am. If I'm going to deprive myself of sleep I might as well be productive.
I'm just mad because I felt that I'm useless. Makes me think why did you ever create me in the first place? So that I could suffer? Or is this my fault? Have I been too impatient?
I mean all I ask is to have a job that pays well and at the same time I enjoy it. Is that too much to ask?
Why can't I just be like anyone else? With a job, a family maybe a car or two. I mean look at my brother, he has 3 kids, a wife and two vehicles, a high earning job and a smart brain.
Look at my older sister, she also has 3 kids, a husband, a stable job at a hospital and works in the US of A. So yeah she has a good life.
And there's another older sister who left home but I'm sure she's happier than I am.
Me? I'm just a stupid, wasted, fat and useless person who has not done anything right for the past twenty nine years of my life. I'm going to be thirty a month from now and so far I haven't gone anywhere at all.
Where's my own path?
You know I really want to chuck this perfect timing business in the trash and just stop caring. Maybe I should be an atheist so at least I won't have to expect something and then be let down or wait in agony. I could at least find success in my own efforts.
But the thing is, I can't. Not because of the looming threat of eternal damnation but it's not in me. Maybe being agnostic, sure.
I'm just wondering when I would know my purpose here. Because I feel it isn't to bum around and play Facebook applications to kill time.
What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Friday, August 15, 2008
unexpected
Wow this is something I was surprised to see. I thought this account is dead, but I managed to log in!
I went over my previous entries and saw what a miserable dipstick I was. Now? I'm an angry dipstick. Anyway, life has a way of interfering in what you want to do and makes you forget what is important.
What had happened to me for the past years since I logged in here? Nothing much, changed jobs, returned to the same company I crassly abandoned (which I will never do again but would need to look for the chance to quit for the second time), got operated on, which would leave me having a small chance of having children in the future, am currently sick with a disorder that screws up the body processes, and would undergo therapy a week from now to reduce the size of the master organ (the thyroid in case you were wondering).
What have I learned? That you learn things the hard way, that fear is stopping you from making a decision and sticking with it, that anger is still there although now much controlled, that I have become sadistic and is more than capable of driving my superiors crazy (at least with my current boss), that I am still naive believing that there would be changes for the better at work (which ended up being stuck in a vicious cycle), that life sucks but it has its beauty, that we need to set a goal for ourselves to grow and we only live once make the most out of it.
As for love well still waiting and looking. The last guy I fell for is sicker than I am and prefers girls 10 years younger than him and the latest was a married guy who is one helluva know-it-all. No wonder there are times I snap his head off. But he's a good man, yet married. That alone is more than enough for me to back off, it was just a shallow feeling anyway and that is a relief.
2008 is a year of realizations for me: I'm a survivor.
I went over my previous entries and saw what a miserable dipstick I was. Now? I'm an angry dipstick. Anyway, life has a way of interfering in what you want to do and makes you forget what is important.
What had happened to me for the past years since I logged in here? Nothing much, changed jobs, returned to the same company I crassly abandoned (which I will never do again but would need to look for the chance to quit for the second time), got operated on, which would leave me having a small chance of having children in the future, am currently sick with a disorder that screws up the body processes, and would undergo therapy a week from now to reduce the size of the master organ (the thyroid in case you were wondering).
What have I learned? That you learn things the hard way, that fear is stopping you from making a decision and sticking with it, that anger is still there although now much controlled, that I have become sadistic and is more than capable of driving my superiors crazy (at least with my current boss), that I am still naive believing that there would be changes for the better at work (which ended up being stuck in a vicious cycle), that life sucks but it has its beauty, that we need to set a goal for ourselves to grow and we only live once make the most out of it.
As for love well still waiting and looking. The last guy I fell for is sicker than I am and prefers girls 10 years younger than him and the latest was a married guy who is one helluva know-it-all. No wonder there are times I snap his head off. But he's a good man, yet married. That alone is more than enough for me to back off, it was just a shallow feeling anyway and that is a relief.
2008 is a year of realizations for me: I'm a survivor.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
2 years later....
It has been two years since I started to work in a call center. I have experienced all the pains and joy (well more on the pains) working and met some interesting people.
Right now, my heart has been snared by the least possible people who can do so. The problem is he does not love me back...typical story. I'm at a crossroads if I should continue or just leave and start over.
I need a damn closure before the year ends.
Right now, my heart has been snared by the least possible people who can do so. The problem is he does not love me back...typical story. I'm at a crossroads if I should continue or just leave and start over.
I need a damn closure before the year ends.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Get to know the Philippines
The Philippines is...
50. Where the most happening places are not where the party is. it's where the gang wars happen, where women strip and where the people overthrow a president.
49. Where even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.
48. Where everyone has his personal ghost story and superstition
47. Where mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places.
46. Where everything can be forged.
45. Where school is considered the second home and the mall considered the third.
44. Where Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas.
43. Where every street has a basketball court and every town only has one public school.
42. Where all kinds of animals are edible.
41. Where people speak all kinds of languages, and still call it Tagalog and where it is fast
becoming unfashionable to speak English/Spanish.
40. Where students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.
39. Where call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses, where doctors
study to become nurses for employment abroad.
38. Where driving 4 kms can take as much as four hours.
37. Where fly overs bring you from the freeway to the side streets.
36. Where the tourist spots are where Filipinos do not (or cannot) go to.
35. Where the personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster.
34. Where all 13-year-olds are alcoholic. (i resent that!)
33. Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!
32. Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet.
31. Where people can pay to defy the law.
30. Where everything and everyone is spoofed.
29. Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger (from divisoria)!
28. Where the honking of car horns is a way of life.
27. Where being called a bum is never offensive.
26. Where floodwaters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the rainy season.
25. Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.
24. Where crossing the street involves running for your dear life.
23. Where wearing your national colors makes you baduy.
22. Where billiards is a sport, and darts is a bar game.
21. Where even the poverty-stricken have the latest cell phones. (GSM-galing sa magnanakaw)
20. Where insurance does not work.
19. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty - clean water is
for sale (35 pesos per gallon).
18. Where the church governs the people (owwss!!!) and where the government makes the people pray for miracles. (Amen to that!)
17. Where University of the Philippines is where all the weird people go. Ateneo is where all the nerds go. La Salle is where all the Chinese go. College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid Chinese go, and University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly rich
people go.
16. Where fast food is a diet meal.
15. Where traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.
14. Where all the trees in the city are below six feet.
13. Where being held up is normal. It happens to everyone.
12. Where kids dream of becoming pilots, doctors and basketball players.
11. Where rodents are normal house pets.
10. Where the definition of traffic is the "non-movement" of vehicles.
9. Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military engagements, and the new fighter planes are displayed in museums.
8. Where Nora Aunor is an acclaimed actress and Boy Abunda is the best talk show host, where the population knows more their showbiz stars better than their national heroes and past presidents, knows more of showbiz gossips than their national history and current events.
7. Where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity, and where the lottery is a commodity.
6. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news provides the drama.
5. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the entertainment.
4. Where finding a deer on the road will be a phenomenon.
3. Where people can get away with stealing trillions of pesos, but not for a thousand.
2. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual. (Grabe talaga 'to!)
1. Where the squatters have more to complain (even if they do not pay their tax) ---- than those employed and have their tax automatically deducted from their salaries.
0. Where everyone wants to leave the country!
**Both amusing and disturbing. Is this what we are as Filipinos? This is just an email forwarded from a colleague. I just wanted to post it in my blog.
50. Where the most happening places are not where the party is. it's where the gang wars happen, where women strip and where the people overthrow a president.
49. Where even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.
48. Where everyone has his personal ghost story and superstition
47. Where mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places.
46. Where everything can be forged.
45. Where school is considered the second home and the mall considered the third.
44. Where Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas.
43. Where every street has a basketball court and every town only has one public school.
42. Where all kinds of animals are edible.
41. Where people speak all kinds of languages, and still call it Tagalog and where it is fast
becoming unfashionable to speak English/Spanish.
40. Where students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.
39. Where call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses, where doctors
study to become nurses for employment abroad.
38. Where driving 4 kms can take as much as four hours.
37. Where fly overs bring you from the freeway to the side streets.
36. Where the tourist spots are where Filipinos do not (or cannot) go to.
35. Where the personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster.
34. Where all 13-year-olds are alcoholic. (i resent that!)
33. Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!
32. Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet.
31. Where people can pay to defy the law.
30. Where everything and everyone is spoofed.
29. Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger (from divisoria)!
28. Where the honking of car horns is a way of life.
27. Where being called a bum is never offensive.
26. Where floodwaters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the rainy season.
25. Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.
24. Where crossing the street involves running for your dear life.
23. Where wearing your national colors makes you baduy.
22. Where billiards is a sport, and darts is a bar game.
21. Where even the poverty-stricken have the latest cell phones. (GSM-galing sa magnanakaw)
20. Where insurance does not work.
19. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty - clean water is
for sale (35 pesos per gallon).
18. Where the church governs the people (owwss!!!) and where the government makes the people pray for miracles. (Amen to that!)
17. Where University of the Philippines is where all the weird people go. Ateneo is where all the nerds go. La Salle is where all the Chinese go. College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid Chinese go, and University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly rich
people go.
16. Where fast food is a diet meal.
15. Where traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.
14. Where all the trees in the city are below six feet.
13. Where being held up is normal. It happens to everyone.
12. Where kids dream of becoming pilots, doctors and basketball players.
11. Where rodents are normal house pets.
10. Where the definition of traffic is the "non-movement" of vehicles.
9. Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military engagements, and the new fighter planes are displayed in museums.
8. Where Nora Aunor is an acclaimed actress and Boy Abunda is the best talk show host, where the population knows more their showbiz stars better than their national heroes and past presidents, knows more of showbiz gossips than their national history and current events.
7. Where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity, and where the lottery is a commodity.
6. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news provides the drama.
5. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the entertainment.
4. Where finding a deer on the road will be a phenomenon.
3. Where people can get away with stealing trillions of pesos, but not for a thousand.
2. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual. (Grabe talaga 'to!)
1. Where the squatters have more to complain (even if they do not pay their tax) ---- than those employed and have their tax automatically deducted from their salaries.
0. Where everyone wants to leave the country!
**Both amusing and disturbing. Is this what we are as Filipinos? This is just an email forwarded from a colleague. I just wanted to post it in my blog.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
is this English?
This is another forward email by my co-worker and this just reminds me on why our country is waay behind when it comes to the Englush language. Sure, it's not our first language but at least we couuld try to be decent at it.
At the same time, this also reminded me about the flame wars that had been happening in this site for quite sometime.
The letter is hilarious but disturbing as well. May this be a lesson to all of us.
GANITO KA RIN BA MAG-ENGLISH?
TO WHOEVER GETS TO UNDERSTAND THIS LETTER,CONGRATULATIONS!! haha!
The following is a letter found at a certain bar inManila and has been preserved in its original,unedited form. Enjoy reading and you may try direct translation in Tagalog.
Pls read with feelings...!
********************
October 1996
To Marjie,
I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you. Why?What reason you can think about but you're very fatbody. I thought before that Dennis only use me to histoy but sooner and later I'm realize that he reallycan't not beared or stomached to be with you anymorebecause at first, Dennis say he could not stand you'rehabit of making pakialam all his walks [lakad] and always calling to their house what he go home or this or that.
And then he say he get ashame to met iether in schoolor in his family and then asking you to exerciseyou're very very, very fat body. But you hate it.Thoughth your the most preetiest girls he knows about.What do you think you are "Beautiful Girl" of JoseMarie Chan?
Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do nothave the right to called me whatsoever or elsedifferent name one time or the other for the realpurposed to insults my personality because I'm nevercall you names iether in the front of Dennis or in thebacks of Dennis, but if you start already to callingme different name, I don't have any other choicebut to call you other different name to. Like you area PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl.Shame to you're body that is to a BUDING.You can't not blame Dennis for exchanging you to mebecause I am the more sexier than you when you look tous in the mirror.I'm repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when sheis a girl.
Love,
The Sexiest Girl of D.M.
P.S. You say that I'm the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the final is me.
At the same time, this also reminded me about the flame wars that had been happening in this site for quite sometime.
The letter is hilarious but disturbing as well. May this be a lesson to all of us.
GANITO KA RIN BA MAG-ENGLISH?
TO WHOEVER GETS TO UNDERSTAND THIS LETTER,CONGRATULATIONS!! haha!
The following is a letter found at a certain bar inManila and has been preserved in its original,unedited form. Enjoy reading and you may try direct translation in Tagalog.
Pls read with feelings...!
********************
October 1996
To Marjie,
I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you. Why?What reason you can think about but you're very fatbody. I thought before that Dennis only use me to histoy but sooner and later I'm realize that he reallycan't not beared or stomached to be with you anymorebecause at first, Dennis say he could not stand you'rehabit of making pakialam all his walks [lakad] and always calling to their house what he go home or this or that.
And then he say he get ashame to met iether in schoolor in his family and then asking you to exerciseyou're very very, very fat body. But you hate it.Thoughth your the most preetiest girls he knows about.What do you think you are "Beautiful Girl" of JoseMarie Chan?
Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do nothave the right to called me whatsoever or elsedifferent name one time or the other for the realpurposed to insults my personality because I'm nevercall you names iether in the front of Dennis or in thebacks of Dennis, but if you start already to callingme different name, I don't have any other choicebut to call you other different name to. Like you area PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl.Shame to you're body that is to a BUDING.You can't not blame Dennis for exchanging you to mebecause I am the more sexier than you when you look tous in the mirror.I'm repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when sheis a girl.
Love,
The Sexiest Girl of D.M.
P.S. You say that I'm the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the final is me.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
crossraods
Months passed by and while I look at the world much more differently than I did, I felt that something was not right. Something was missing.
This is not like some romantic flick that a guy comes by to complete you. No, it's different. Something IS missing, but what? I've learned the hard way that waiting for more than a year and a half for something to happen is the pits. I've also learned the hard way that longing for someone you can't have is INSANE! So after waiting and longing in vain, I stopped. I said goodbye and severed my ties to anything related to those two men in my life. So now I am currently crushless and not in-love with anyone.
The funny part was, I never felt better in my whole life. I felt free! At first I felt empty but then that changed, I felt a sense of freedom I never felt before. Would that be weird? I doubt it.
Now I am in a part of my life where I needed to choose if I should stay alone or be with someone for the rest of my life. Endless loneliness is terrifying but so is the neverending pain with someone you're stuck with someone who you thought was great but wasn't. The price you pay? Your life.
Committing myself with God is out of the question. Few people (including me) would answer the call to serve God and man, making a vow of chastity, poverty and humility. It's not an easy way and I salute those who chose that path in life.
So I'm choosing between single blessedness and the sacrament of marriage. What a choice. I'll just let God decide for me.
Back to the earlier question: what is missing in my life?
I have yet to find out.
This is not like some romantic flick that a guy comes by to complete you. No, it's different. Something IS missing, but what? I've learned the hard way that waiting for more than a year and a half for something to happen is the pits. I've also learned the hard way that longing for someone you can't have is INSANE! So after waiting and longing in vain, I stopped. I said goodbye and severed my ties to anything related to those two men in my life. So now I am currently crushless and not in-love with anyone.
The funny part was, I never felt better in my whole life. I felt free! At first I felt empty but then that changed, I felt a sense of freedom I never felt before. Would that be weird? I doubt it.
Now I am in a part of my life where I needed to choose if I should stay alone or be with someone for the rest of my life. Endless loneliness is terrifying but so is the neverending pain with someone you're stuck with someone who you thought was great but wasn't. The price you pay? Your life.
Committing myself with God is out of the question. Few people (including me) would answer the call to serve God and man, making a vow of chastity, poverty and humility. It's not an easy way and I salute those who chose that path in life.
So I'm choosing between single blessedness and the sacrament of marriage. What a choice. I'll just let God decide for me.
Back to the earlier question: what is missing in my life?
I have yet to find out.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
for call center people...please read!
One of the QA's in the office email blasted this excerpt about an episode in ABS-CBN's the Correspondents. I read it and that further justified my dislike towards the network. The one who forwarded this email is from Ambergirs Solutions, one of the biggest call centers in the country, but she's not the owner of this actual entry.
Menice Yap
Call Center Supervisor
Pasig City
On a closing note, call center work is not a trend dammit. Imagine yourself sitting in front of you pc for 9-12 hours and deal with different types of people from simply stupid to super irate, threatening not only to cancel their service, but also your life. Although they can't see you, you represent the company and account you work for and that's all they care about. If you're not tough enough, you might burst into tears after every call.
If that's the case then better get a regular 9-5 job which would take 5 years to match the earnings that we have now and another 5-20 years to get promoted.
ABS-CBN is a big network, they have more than enough money and resources to do proper research. If this is their way of making a documentary, they better stick to noontime shows with dancing GRO's and games that are aimed on the exploitation of the poor. They do a better job on that.
"Call center"
Mataas na sweldo, magaan na trabaho, no age limit at hindi rin kailangang college graduate. Ang tanging requirement, ganda ng boses at galing sa pagsasalita. 'Ika nga ng iba, "in" ka kapag nasa call center ka. Pero paano kung ang kapalit ng magadnang sweldo at iba't ibang benepisyo, ay ang kanilang kalusugan at kaligtasan?
That is the article at abs-cbsnews.com about their feature in The Correspondents about call centers and their employees.
Sad to say, Gigi Grande and the producers who conceptualized the said episode was not able to capture the truth behind call centers and their employees.
magaan na trabaho -- this is a misconception that a lot of people have about call centers. this is work, serious work and not playtime. as call center agents we are the frontliners of some of the biggest companies around the world. we handle their first line of defense for their businnes, Customer Service. we Filipinos who work in call centers represent these companies to their consumers and we filipinos can spell the success or downfall of these business just on how we deal with their consumers 24/7 and that is not an easy task. the reason why call centers thrive in the philippines is because filipinos have good customer service skills. we are professional workers and we give everything a 100%. i salute all the call center employees who make this feat possible. it means jobs and job security to the filipinos who wanted to work in their own country.
no age limit -- because call centers are equal opportunity employers. they do not set limitations to people's ability to work. it is only here in the philippines where we put an age limit to applications. it really does not matter what age the applicant is as long as they can still deliver quality performance. it is called diversity.
hindi rin kailangang college graduate - for cheap call centers maybe, not for the big ones. we encourage our applicants to finish college first before applying. they may also be assisted through schedule requests if they want to continue studying while still employed.
ang tanging requirement, ganda ng boses at galing sa pagsasalita -- for radio stations yes. not for call center. we are not DJs. we also require high IQ and intelligence in call centers. For example, Wil Ison, the 24 yo manager who was featured in The Correpondents. You did not even applaude him for reaching that position in such a young age. if he was employed in a bank, he will only become a manager if he kissed enough bossess ass or because he is already 50 years old. People like Wil were promoted because they are good employees. Most of the call centers have internal application processes that enables the employees to apply for higher position highliting their performance and capabilities and not who their friends are and whose ass they just wiped.
'Ika nga ng iba, "in" ka kapag nasa call center ka. - this is not a fad. we are working, we pay our taxes, we are productive citizens of this country. we chose to stay and earn here in our own country rather than go abroad and contribute to the brain drain. we earn a lot beacuse we work hard. we are thankful for the good education we were provided by our parents that gave us the competencies we have now. we are working for multinational companies and we get promoted. most of us 21-30 years old and we are managers, supervisors and senior managers.
we may not be doctors or lawyers but at least we are not corrupt. we are productive and we make sure that our families and our future families will not be included with the uneducated, paid rallyists in EDSA, who do not even understand why they are there. we are not a burden to the government, they should even be thankful because it is our tax, the middle class tax, that makes it possible for the Philippines to stay alive.
instead of potraying us as obese, smoking insomiacs....why not thank us? applaude our achievements, be proud that we are very good with what we do that's why investors come in to the philippines. ask the government to provide security to the employees who have different schedules from the normal 9-5 workers? ask them to take care of us and in return we will work harder, show the companies that it is worth investing in the philippines, we will continue to pay our taxes and slowly but surely help our country progress.
Mataas na sweldo, magaan na trabaho, no age limit at hindi rin kailangang college graduate. Ang tanging requirement, ganda ng boses at galing sa pagsasalita. 'Ika nga ng iba, "in" ka kapag nasa call center ka. Pero paano kung ang kapalit ng magadnang sweldo at iba't ibang benepisyo, ay ang kanilang kalusugan at kaligtasan?
That is the article at abs-cbsnews.com about their feature in The Correspondents about call centers and their employees.
Sad to say, Gigi Grande and the producers who conceptualized the said episode was not able to capture the truth behind call centers and their employees.
magaan na trabaho -- this is a misconception that a lot of people have about call centers. this is work, serious work and not playtime. as call center agents we are the frontliners of some of the biggest companies around the world. we handle their first line of defense for their businnes, Customer Service. we Filipinos who work in call centers represent these companies to their consumers and we filipinos can spell the success or downfall of these business just on how we deal with their consumers 24/7 and that is not an easy task. the reason why call centers thrive in the philippines is because filipinos have good customer service skills. we are professional workers and we give everything a 100%. i salute all the call center employees who make this feat possible. it means jobs and job security to the filipinos who wanted to work in their own country.
no age limit -- because call centers are equal opportunity employers. they do not set limitations to people's ability to work. it is only here in the philippines where we put an age limit to applications. it really does not matter what age the applicant is as long as they can still deliver quality performance. it is called diversity.
hindi rin kailangang college graduate - for cheap call centers maybe, not for the big ones. we encourage our applicants to finish college first before applying. they may also be assisted through schedule requests if they want to continue studying while still employed.
ang tanging requirement, ganda ng boses at galing sa pagsasalita -- for radio stations yes. not for call center. we are not DJs. we also require high IQ and intelligence in call centers. For example, Wil Ison, the 24 yo manager who was featured in The Correpondents. You did not even applaude him for reaching that position in such a young age. if he was employed in a bank, he will only become a manager if he kissed enough bossess ass or because he is already 50 years old. People like Wil were promoted because they are good employees. Most of the call centers have internal application processes that enables the employees to apply for higher position highliting their performance and capabilities and not who their friends are and whose ass they just wiped.
'Ika nga ng iba, "in" ka kapag nasa call center ka. - this is not a fad. we are working, we pay our taxes, we are productive citizens of this country. we chose to stay and earn here in our own country rather than go abroad and contribute to the brain drain. we earn a lot beacuse we work hard. we are thankful for the good education we were provided by our parents that gave us the competencies we have now. we are working for multinational companies and we get promoted. most of us 21-30 years old and we are managers, supervisors and senior managers.
we may not be doctors or lawyers but at least we are not corrupt. we are productive and we make sure that our families and our future families will not be included with the uneducated, paid rallyists in EDSA, who do not even understand why they are there. we are not a burden to the government, they should even be thankful because it is our tax, the middle class tax, that makes it possible for the Philippines to stay alive.
instead of potraying us as obese, smoking insomiacs....why not thank us? applaude our achievements, be proud that we are very good with what we do that's why investors come in to the philippines. ask the government to provide security to the employees who have different schedules from the normal 9-5 workers? ask them to take care of us and in return we will work harder, show the companies that it is worth investing in the philippines, we will continue to pay our taxes and slowly but surely help our country progress.
Menice Yap
Call Center Supervisor
Pasig City
On a closing note, call center work is not a trend dammit. Imagine yourself sitting in front of you pc for 9-12 hours and deal with different types of people from simply stupid to super irate, threatening not only to cancel their service, but also your life. Although they can't see you, you represent the company and account you work for and that's all they care about. If you're not tough enough, you might burst into tears after every call.
If that's the case then better get a regular 9-5 job which would take 5 years to match the earnings that we have now and another 5-20 years to get promoted.
ABS-CBN is a big network, they have more than enough money and resources to do proper research. If this is their way of making a documentary, they better stick to noontime shows with dancing GRO's and games that are aimed on the exploitation of the poor. They do a better job on that.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Sparky
He is adorable, exasperating, lively, smart and sweet. He can be sweetheart one minute and then a terror the next. His unpredictability is what keeps us on our toes. A cat with a white body and occasional black spots on his head looking like a slicked back hairstyle parted in the middle. One co-worker remarked on how he looked like Adolf Hitler (good grief, of all people she had to compare with it had to be the Nazi leader!). Plus the spot is also present on his stubbly tail, which made my mother puzzled since she was so used to cats with long and siwshing tails.
He is just an ordinary domestic cat that my father got from one of his tenants. He then declared to us that we need a cat to regulate the mice population at home. We all agreed to his suggestion.
Sparky arrived dirty and scared. His coat is not the glistening white he has now but a dirty white that is almost gray. This was because he always slept under jeepneys (maybe because it's warm) which is always being maintained by the owners and that meant oil grease and motor oil. My father tried shampooing it off but he only made it worse since the cat hid under a coffee table and that was not only dusty but also filled with cobwebs.
He refused to come out of that table for several days. My father tried to pry him out but I said vehemently to leave him alone, that he would eventually get out of his hiding place.
And he did. He took one small step in adjusting himself in our house, but he managed. Within the month he was not only sitting in my lap but also sleeping with me in my room. He is such a sweetie because he has this tendency of leaning his head on my chest (and he still does it until now) while sleeping.
I didn't realize how he affected me until I came to work and realized how more relaxed I was. I still lose my temper on my calls but it's not as much as before where in the end my supervisor also loses his temper on me.
I forgot how it felt having a cat beside you or on your lap, sleeping or just watching the world go by. It's so relaxing, knowing that you are not alone in this world and that you are capable of loving something or someone aside from yourself.
He is just an ordinary domestic cat that my father got from one of his tenants. He then declared to us that we need a cat to regulate the mice population at home. We all agreed to his suggestion.
Sparky arrived dirty and scared. His coat is not the glistening white he has now but a dirty white that is almost gray. This was because he always slept under jeepneys (maybe because it's warm) which is always being maintained by the owners and that meant oil grease and motor oil. My father tried shampooing it off but he only made it worse since the cat hid under a coffee table and that was not only dusty but also filled with cobwebs.
He refused to come out of that table for several days. My father tried to pry him out but I said vehemently to leave him alone, that he would eventually get out of his hiding place.
And he did. He took one small step in adjusting himself in our house, but he managed. Within the month he was not only sitting in my lap but also sleeping with me in my room. He is such a sweetie because he has this tendency of leaning his head on my chest (and he still does it until now) while sleeping.
I didn't realize how he affected me until I came to work and realized how more relaxed I was. I still lose my temper on my calls but it's not as much as before where in the end my supervisor also loses his temper on me.
I forgot how it felt having a cat beside you or on your lap, sleeping or just watching the world go by. It's so relaxing, knowing that you are not alone in this world and that you are capable of loving something or someone aside from yourself.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
new responsibilities
Recently I was promoted to a level 2 tech. I am grateful that finally I was noticed after 18 months. Because of this, all my rants sounded so childish and silly. When I was notified by my previous coach, I jumped like crazy and that was not even official (when I say official, it would be emailed throughout the center).
When it did became official, people started to congratulate me, from fellow agents, our former DPS, coach now turned OM, some of my former teammates now QA's and of course my former coaches who one of them gave me a bone crushing hug.
My parents were happy as well and offered a thanksgiving mass in our parish. When I said I'll pay for it, they said they're going to take care of it.
I was both happy and terrified at the same time. Happy because finally I got a promotion, terrified because this new job is not as easy as it looks. We're the last line of defense and the ones who provide support to the whole center. We're more visible and more scrutinized. Rules are much different and a bit stricter. Mentality is: you're not agents anymore, but supervisors and better act like one.
Gambatte to me!
When it did became official, people started to congratulate me, from fellow agents, our former DPS, coach now turned OM, some of my former teammates now QA's and of course my former coaches who one of them gave me a bone crushing hug.
My parents were happy as well and offered a thanksgiving mass in our parish. When I said I'll pay for it, they said they're going to take care of it.
I was both happy and terrified at the same time. Happy because finally I got a promotion, terrified because this new job is not as easy as it looks. We're the last line of defense and the ones who provide support to the whole center. We're more visible and more scrutinized. Rules are much different and a bit stricter. Mentality is: you're not agents anymore, but supervisors and better act like one.
Gambatte to me!
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
being left behind
This is the new year and I try not to be angry and I succeeded but I ended up failing at the same time. Why?
The reason you work not only is to earn money and have an inocme but also to grow as a person and an employee. Working at a call center encourages that kind of growth...if you know the right people.
It isn't easy any more to get up and go to work when you feel everything sucks around you.
I don't know what I needed to do but I'll cope eventually, I know I will.
The reason you work not only is to earn money and have an inocme but also to grow as a person and an employee. Working at a call center encourages that kind of growth...if you know the right people.
It isn't easy any more to get up and go to work when you feel everything sucks around you.
I don't know what I needed to do but I'll cope eventually, I know I will.
Monday, December 05, 2005
December rolls in
Now is the last month of the year 2005. And I have become someone who is an in-betweener. I am in between being hopeful and bitter. I am in between a romantic and cynic. I am in between calm and angry. I am in between stable and unstable.
November was a mess. I kept on getting sick, just like last year, which ranges from asthma to mild hypertension to gatrointestinal dysmotility. It is because of this I decided to file my resignation. If I keep on getting sick, I can't work properly.
So I filed my resgination to my new supervisor (yeah we changed coaches since our previous moody left the country and we ended up with a mild-mannered man) and he said NO. It was nice to be wanted but it got annoying eventually because no company has no right to stop their employees from resigning. Dammit, we have the right to resign you know. Be it a good employee or not if one wants to go, the company has to let that employee go.
So we reached a compromise. What happened was that my schedule wouuld be now changed from split shift to a regular shift. Effective? Today. I asked my supervisor three times if my schedule woudl be changed and he said it would. I spoke with the OM last week and said he would do so but when I saw my schedule last week I was livid. It was still on split shift and that is where I was being my pushy self and asked my supervisor three times about my schedule.
Then voila! I got the schedule I wanted. But this evening he told me that I can go in straight today. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?! That tomorrow I'm not going to?! Patayan na lang kaya tayo! Meaning why don't we kill each other already?! This is incosistent, dammit!
After an hour or so, I had a chat with my supervisor again and he said that if I have to be on straight shift permanently I may have to be moved to another team. I asked him if I can stay on his team until the end of this month, he said he'll have to speak to the Operations Manager (OM). I don't mind leaving the team but not right now.
I was asked if I wanted to come back to my old supervisor, I vehemently said no. I know they're best friends, but I have to be honest. I told him that I don't want to fight with him anymore. Nor do I want to go home angry. But then again he is the only person who had helped us so much in our lives at the expense of his health and reputation. Ayoko na mangyari ulit yun. He's done so much already.
But to who will I be assigned to? Most of the coaches I like are either gone or in another cluster. Who knows? I don't want to think about it anymore. Bahala na si Batman.
November was a mess. I kept on getting sick, just like last year, which ranges from asthma to mild hypertension to gatrointestinal dysmotility. It is because of this I decided to file my resignation. If I keep on getting sick, I can't work properly.
So I filed my resgination to my new supervisor (yeah we changed coaches since our previous moody left the country and we ended up with a mild-mannered man) and he said NO. It was nice to be wanted but it got annoying eventually because no company has no right to stop their employees from resigning. Dammit, we have the right to resign you know. Be it a good employee or not if one wants to go, the company has to let that employee go.
So we reached a compromise. What happened was that my schedule wouuld be now changed from split shift to a regular shift. Effective? Today. I asked my supervisor three times if my schedule woudl be changed and he said it would. I spoke with the OM last week and said he would do so but when I saw my schedule last week I was livid. It was still on split shift and that is where I was being my pushy self and asked my supervisor three times about my schedule.
Then voila! I got the schedule I wanted. But this evening he told me that I can go in straight today. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?! That tomorrow I'm not going to?! Patayan na lang kaya tayo! Meaning why don't we kill each other already?! This is incosistent, dammit!
After an hour or so, I had a chat with my supervisor again and he said that if I have to be on straight shift permanently I may have to be moved to another team. I asked him if I can stay on his team until the end of this month, he said he'll have to speak to the Operations Manager (OM). I don't mind leaving the team but not right now.
I was asked if I wanted to come back to my old supervisor, I vehemently said no. I know they're best friends, but I have to be honest. I told him that I don't want to fight with him anymore. Nor do I want to go home angry. But then again he is the only person who had helped us so much in our lives at the expense of his health and reputation. Ayoko na mangyari ulit yun. He's done so much already.
But to who will I be assigned to? Most of the coaches I like are either gone or in another cluster. Who knows? I don't want to think about it anymore. Bahala na si Batman.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Ok so it's already October which is three months late to make a review about the latest Harry Potter book and to be honest with you, I wouldn't have cared. Except for several things:
1. I loved the book. The first Harry Potter I actually liked!
2. The way the book ended it made me speculate a few things especially about Severus Snape and his intentions.
3. I nearly cried (ok I did cry) while reading the chapter on Dumbledore's funeral. It was so solemn.
4. I've been going to http://mugglenet.com not only because of the updates regarding Goblet of Fire (and the pictures, which are awesome!) but to see what they thing about HBP. This already became a habit that my co-worker wanted to beat the crap out of me...this is of course an exaggeration.
Moving on...
I put on a reservation on HBP since February of 2005 not for me, but for my sister who is the one reading the Harry Potter books. I also wanted to make some of my colleagues who are fans of the book envious since the book itself is very expensive.
By July of this year, I got the book on an amazing discount...saving me almost 50% of the total cost. I was the one who read the book first before my sister and I wasn't able to put the book down until I reminded myself that I have to rest since I was going to work at that time.
The book itself is very good, first time I appreciated the series. Like the rest of the Harry Potter fans, I was shocked that Dumbledore was killed but not as shocked as to who did it. While Snape is not the nicest guy on earth, I didn't expect him to kill Dumbledore in cold blood. I guess he has to if he wants to save his and Draco's ass. There's the Unbreakable Vow to consider. He doesn't kill Dumbledore, he dies along with the entire Malfoy family.
Funny how some people feel sorry for Draco. I do in a way, but was relieved to see that he is capable of human feelings like fear and desperation.
I don't intend to analyze the book but I wanted to give my opinion on it. I've been seeing reading forums about Snape or the HBP and there is clearly a division between the Good Snape and the Bad Snape. Honestly, why would he make the Unbreakable Vow with Narcissa? Well for him to prove to Bellatrix that he is loyal to the Dark Lord, she's not exactly believing him and his reasons for not going back to the Dark Lord ASAP. Did Dumbledore know about this? Maybe. Ol' Dumby wouldn't know that Draco was trying to assassinate him for the entire year in Hogwarts if he had no idea unless he is omnipotent. He might've some information to know such things from someone who is constantly updating him on the happenings in Hogwarts.
Dumbledore's death and Snape's part of it was a shock and to some an outrage. Why him of all people? Was this something done to make Harry learn some sort of twisted lesson? Snape was revealed to be a double agent, for how long? Would the reason why Dumbledore gave Snape his absolute trust when eveyrbody else (like Harry, but that's biased) thinks he's going back to Voldemort when he comes back from the near dead.
Have you noticed a pattern of deaths here since book 4? Most of the ones who get killed off were the people closest to Harry. Ok, so Cedric and him are not exactly good friends, but they helped each other out during the Triwizard Tournament. Sirius of course is his godfather, the closest person he has for a family. Dumbledore was his mentor and confidante. I mean he first lost his godfather then his mentor...I wonder if either Ron or Hermione or worse Ginny would be killed in the 7th book? Maybe Draco...but that would be just wishful thinking.
Who knows? I can't wait for the last book.
1. I loved the book. The first Harry Potter I actually liked!
2. The way the book ended it made me speculate a few things especially about Severus Snape and his intentions.
3. I nearly cried (ok I did cry) while reading the chapter on Dumbledore's funeral. It was so solemn.
4. I've been going to http://mugglenet.com not only because of the updates regarding Goblet of Fire (and the pictures, which are awesome!) but to see what they thing about HBP. This already became a habit that my co-worker wanted to beat the crap out of me...this is of course an exaggeration.
Moving on...
I put on a reservation on HBP since February of 2005 not for me, but for my sister who is the one reading the Harry Potter books. I also wanted to make some of my colleagues who are fans of the book envious since the book itself is very expensive.
By July of this year, I got the book on an amazing discount...saving me almost 50% of the total cost. I was the one who read the book first before my sister and I wasn't able to put the book down until I reminded myself that I have to rest since I was going to work at that time.
The book itself is very good, first time I appreciated the series. Like the rest of the Harry Potter fans, I was shocked that Dumbledore was killed but not as shocked as to who did it. While Snape is not the nicest guy on earth, I didn't expect him to kill Dumbledore in cold blood. I guess he has to if he wants to save his and Draco's ass. There's the Unbreakable Vow to consider. He doesn't kill Dumbledore, he dies along with the entire Malfoy family.
Funny how some people feel sorry for Draco. I do in a way, but was relieved to see that he is capable of human feelings like fear and desperation.
I don't intend to analyze the book but I wanted to give my opinion on it. I've been seeing reading forums about Snape or the HBP and there is clearly a division between the Good Snape and the Bad Snape. Honestly, why would he make the Unbreakable Vow with Narcissa? Well for him to prove to Bellatrix that he is loyal to the Dark Lord, she's not exactly believing him and his reasons for not going back to the Dark Lord ASAP. Did Dumbledore know about this? Maybe. Ol' Dumby wouldn't know that Draco was trying to assassinate him for the entire year in Hogwarts if he had no idea unless he is omnipotent. He might've some information to know such things from someone who is constantly updating him on the happenings in Hogwarts.
Dumbledore's death and Snape's part of it was a shock and to some an outrage. Why him of all people? Was this something done to make Harry learn some sort of twisted lesson? Snape was revealed to be a double agent, for how long? Would the reason why Dumbledore gave Snape his absolute trust when eveyrbody else (like Harry, but that's biased) thinks he's going back to Voldemort when he comes back from the near dead.
Have you noticed a pattern of deaths here since book 4? Most of the ones who get killed off were the people closest to Harry. Ok, so Cedric and him are not exactly good friends, but they helped each other out during the Triwizard Tournament. Sirius of course is his godfather, the closest person he has for a family. Dumbledore was his mentor and confidante. I mean he first lost his godfather then his mentor...I wonder if either Ron or Hermione or worse Ginny would be killed in the 7th book? Maybe Draco...but that would be just wishful thinking.
Who knows? I can't wait for the last book.
Monday, September 19, 2005
first time at rehabilitative medicine
My shoulders decided to turn against me when they suddenly stiffened and developed a lump the size of Australia. I couldn't take it anymore and told my mother that I am going to have my shoulder fixed.
My mom suggested for me to go to her Physical Therapist, Hya. I did as she said and she even accompanied me to the clinic in one of the biggest laboratories in the city. It was Monday so a lot of people are at her office including an adorable 6 year old girl named Jana. Hya said we can come back after 30 minutes since she had just started treating a woman who had been ran over by an Elf truck.
Annoyed because I had to go to work after 5 hours, I accompanied my mother to the houseware area of the SM Department store to buy a shower curtain since she didn't like the one at home. Whoever heard of a fabric shower curtain?! It turned out to be fun.
When we got back to the clinic, the session began with electrocuting my shoulder...nah just kidding, Hya put some circular stuff on my shoulder that generates electricity to at least relax the muscles on my shoulders. Add hot compress to that and I was burning. Hya told me not to fall asleep on her, but I did. It was so relaxing.
Next was another set of hot compress and a massage so painful I didn't realize I was holding my breath. But it felt good though the pain still lingered.
My mom, meanwhile, was making friends with Janna who was also being treated for her leg problems. She's on rehab since age 1 due to the over stiffness of her muscles and she had 2 surgeries on her leg. Now at age 6 she can move both her legs but has yet to walk on her own. But I got to hand it to the kid, she is tough. Her rehab sessions are very strenous and painful that my mother said she ends up feeling sorry for the kid and telling Hya to at least be gentle with her. But this is rehabilitative medicine, nothing is gentle.
The treatment took an hour and it was spent on chatting with Hya and Janna. My mom was occasionally joining in. Actually my mom and Janna are the ones talking away and they're like grandma and grandchild. I find this little girl cute and adorable.
When it was done I felt more relaxed if a bit hurt in places I never knew existed only shoulders. Hya taught me some stretching exercises as well.
This will not be the last time I'm going to the Physical Therapist. How long I would be going, I do not know. My shoulders would never completely soften but at least it would reduce pain in my body particularly my headaches.
My mom suggested for me to go to her Physical Therapist, Hya. I did as she said and she even accompanied me to the clinic in one of the biggest laboratories in the city. It was Monday so a lot of people are at her office including an adorable 6 year old girl named Jana. Hya said we can come back after 30 minutes since she had just started treating a woman who had been ran over by an Elf truck.
Annoyed because I had to go to work after 5 hours, I accompanied my mother to the houseware area of the SM Department store to buy a shower curtain since she didn't like the one at home. Whoever heard of a fabric shower curtain?! It turned out to be fun.
When we got back to the clinic, the session began with electrocuting my shoulder...nah just kidding, Hya put some circular stuff on my shoulder that generates electricity to at least relax the muscles on my shoulders. Add hot compress to that and I was burning. Hya told me not to fall asleep on her, but I did. It was so relaxing.
Next was another set of hot compress and a massage so painful I didn't realize I was holding my breath. But it felt good though the pain still lingered.
My mom, meanwhile, was making friends with Janna who was also being treated for her leg problems. She's on rehab since age 1 due to the over stiffness of her muscles and she had 2 surgeries on her leg. Now at age 6 she can move both her legs but has yet to walk on her own. But I got to hand it to the kid, she is tough. Her rehab sessions are very strenous and painful that my mother said she ends up feeling sorry for the kid and telling Hya to at least be gentle with her. But this is rehabilitative medicine, nothing is gentle.
The treatment took an hour and it was spent on chatting with Hya and Janna. My mom was occasionally joining in. Actually my mom and Janna are the ones talking away and they're like grandma and grandchild. I find this little girl cute and adorable.
When it was done I felt more relaxed if a bit hurt in places I never knew existed only shoulders. Hya taught me some stretching exercises as well.
This will not be the last time I'm going to the Physical Therapist. How long I would be going, I do not know. My shoulders would never completely soften but at least it would reduce pain in my body particularly my headaches.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
wel, well
What do you know? The guy cares. Sure he kind of reprimanded me for pulling up other websites. Well, actually he warned me about pulling up other websites while I'm on a call. Then punched my arm lightly like he always does.
Ha!
Ha!
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
i'm so sick and tired of my life
Just as the subject implies, I am sick and tired of my life. If I could commit suicide right now I would, but I can't since I'm too scared inflict pain on myself and this is a mortal sin. But I can talk about death and on how I want to die. I wonder if I would be able to find the peace I needed in death than when I was in life.
Sometimes it is scary to die not waking up and seeing the sunshine, the rain, my family and friends.
I just feel this way because I'm so down right now. Everything sucks.
But death is not an excuse to run away. Besides what would that make me? A weak person and that would be the last thing I want to be called.
I'm just so frustrated right now I want to scream. Am I ready to move up or would I always stay down?! From my family to my friends they told me that God has something in store for me; something better.
Sure.
Sometimes it is scary to die not waking up and seeing the sunshine, the rain, my family and friends.
I just feel this way because I'm so down right now. Everything sucks.
But death is not an excuse to run away. Besides what would that make me? A weak person and that would be the last thing I want to be called.
I'm just so frustrated right now I want to scream. Am I ready to move up or would I always stay down?! From my family to my friends they told me that God has something in store for me; something better.
Sure.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
of cynicism and bitterness
I am beginning to realize that some things in life are not for me. It seems everyone is moving on nicely with their lives except me. Is this a joke? I wonder. Does God have a better plan for me that I'm too human to realize? I know there is always a bright side to everything but I also want results as well. Hmm, have I become an American?
Scary.
I don't know why I feel like I need to rush things in my life. It's like if I don't experience all of them at the same time, my life would be meaningless. Is it because I'm in my mid-20's? But I've been feeling like this since I turned 18 and that's already 7 years ago. I feel like I need to do everything before I die. Is this weird? Morbid? Rushed?
I'm so young yet I feel so old. Have I been this serious all my life?
Cynicism is something acquired not born. Bitterness is experienced not cultivated.
Scary.
I don't know why I feel like I need to rush things in my life. It's like if I don't experience all of them at the same time, my life would be meaningless. Is it because I'm in my mid-20's? But I've been feeling like this since I turned 18 and that's already 7 years ago. I feel like I need to do everything before I die. Is this weird? Morbid? Rushed?
I'm so young yet I feel so old. Have I been this serious all my life?
Cynicism is something acquired not born. Bitterness is experienced not cultivated.
for irate agents
This is something my supervisor forwarded to the entire team. In the message, he asked if this was me. I do have a reputation as an irate agent in the team though someone has taken my throne as the most irate agent in the center. But my being irate has helped the team countless times in terms of perfomance.
It is a funny but morbid picture. For those with queasy stomachs don't bother to look at it.
Monday, August 29, 2005
limbo
I arrived in the office not looking forward to a night's work taking calls. At home, I felt dread at the prospect of coming to work in the first place. I confided one of my friends that for the nth time I wanted to quit my job. But I can't because I have a responsibility to fulfill.
I applied again for a promotion. This time I covered most of the bases and applied for three positions. I wonder if I will be accepted in one of them, let alone all three of them. Would I be lucky if that was the case?
I also wanted to fall in love, who wouldn't right? But I have yet to find a man who will sweep me off my feet...I wish. But I prefer to have both of my feet on the ground when I meet my ideal man (if there is such a man). And I prefer a friend to fall for instead of a complete stranger. What will happen anyway if I end up with a total stranger?
I wonder if it's really true that if you fall for your friend it would be very awkward. I don't know. Never been there. My teammates and coach were practically linking me with almost every guy I know. Well, actually they're just two of them. One I like a lot while the other one is just a coincidence. But it can be both annoying and flattering at the same time.
What am I going to do in this lifetime?
I applied again for a promotion. This time I covered most of the bases and applied for three positions. I wonder if I will be accepted in one of them, let alone all three of them. Would I be lucky if that was the case?
I also wanted to fall in love, who wouldn't right? But I have yet to find a man who will sweep me off my feet...I wish. But I prefer to have both of my feet on the ground when I meet my ideal man (if there is such a man). And I prefer a friend to fall for instead of a complete stranger. What will happen anyway if I end up with a total stranger?
I wonder if it's really true that if you fall for your friend it would be very awkward. I don't know. Never been there. My teammates and coach were practically linking me with almost every guy I know. Well, actually they're just two of them. One I like a lot while the other one is just a coincidence. But it can be both annoying and flattering at the same time.
What am I going to do in this lifetime?
Monday, August 08, 2005
the fascinating world of love and all those crap
I've read one of my friend's blogs and I was laughing at the same time feeling extremely sorry for her. It is never easy to love someone then lose that person to somebody else in the name of holy matriomony. It would have been nice if that was not the case, but it was. This was something permanent. The vow "'Til death do us part." would apply as permanent.
Thinking about it as I was i the ladies' room, I realized that I was lucky. I am going through the same pain that my friend was but the differences were: one, he doesn't know what I feel towards him or if he does know he doesn't care. Why? Second he is taken. Semi-permanent relationship. Long duration type. Blast!
There was a time I cried myself to sleep because of this man, and I tried to live my life as if he didn't exist but it was never easy.
Then one night I decided to make a resolve to move on with my life without him. Not with him because that would never happen. Besides, as my best friend pointed out so bluntly this afternoon, I did not give my heart, body and soul to him. I never did. I just mourned for my inadequcies as a person and as a woman.
Second resolve is to love myself. Not bordering on selfish love but on a love that empwers me and makes me feel like a person and a woman. I'M A WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!
All I have given him is my friendship, which I am not sure if he has accepted it or not. If he does then that's fine, if he doesn't screw him, at least I tried.
I am moving on with out you sweetie!
Thinking about it as I was i the ladies' room, I realized that I was lucky. I am going through the same pain that my friend was but the differences were: one, he doesn't know what I feel towards him or if he does know he doesn't care. Why? Second he is taken. Semi-permanent relationship. Long duration type. Blast!
There was a time I cried myself to sleep because of this man, and I tried to live my life as if he didn't exist but it was never easy.
Then one night I decided to make a resolve to move on with my life without him. Not with him because that would never happen. Besides, as my best friend pointed out so bluntly this afternoon, I did not give my heart, body and soul to him. I never did. I just mourned for my inadequcies as a person and as a woman.
Second resolve is to love myself. Not bordering on selfish love but on a love that empwers me and makes me feel like a person and a woman. I'M A WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!
All I have given him is my friendship, which I am not sure if he has accepted it or not. If he does then that's fine, if he doesn't screw him, at least I tried.
I am moving on with out you sweetie!
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
August...new beginnings
Hay, it's already August 2005. 8th month of the year. The last month that does not end in -ber. Middle of the rainy season. Dengue fever season. The month names after the emperor Augustus. Whatever.
July ended horribly even if our team is number 1 and we're scared for August to be honest. Surveys are like the bogey man, coming out when you least expect it. We can't afford to fail right now since we've been doing well since May. We have to set an example in the entire company.
First day of August began badly with one of our teammates absent. Why? Fever due to lower back pain. She sent me an SMS in my mobile and I told her to come by even if she is in agony. She said she can't and will not come by tomorrow morning as well since she has to go to a therapist to treat her back.
Of course after telling this to my boss he exploded.
Nothing new there.
Anyhow, that was taken cared of, telling me not to let him do it again. Shoot the messenger already. He already lectured me for being abusive with his kindness. I know that he was being general because his principle was that any one of the team makes a mistake the entire group is affected.
July ended horribly even if our team is number 1 and we're scared for August to be honest. Surveys are like the bogey man, coming out when you least expect it. We can't afford to fail right now since we've been doing well since May. We have to set an example in the entire company.
First day of August began badly with one of our teammates absent. Why? Fever due to lower back pain. She sent me an SMS in my mobile and I told her to come by even if she is in agony. She said she can't and will not come by tomorrow morning as well since she has to go to a therapist to treat her back.
Of course after telling this to my boss he exploded.
Nothing new there.
Anyhow, that was taken cared of, telling me not to let him do it again. Shoot the messenger already. He already lectured me for being abusive with his kindness. I know that he was being general because his principle was that any one of the team makes a mistake the entire group is affected.
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